Got myself a small, viral cold from my family at the tail end of Memorial Day weekend. Only good thing I did manage to do yesterday (Tuesday after Memorial Day) when I stayed home from work to rest and sleep (in the hopes that the cold would just pass by me and not do anything else to me) – is that I finally made my decision on my surgery. Yippee I guess? I wrote out all of the reasons in my journal. Read through them. Yup. Decision is made. The surgery is going to be extensive but it’ll give me the best of a few things that a lumpectomy wouldn’t give me.

Going to work today but in all honesty all I want to do is stay home and hide under the covers like I did yesterday. In between all of the sleeping and resting I did get through about half of the current book I’m reading.  Just want to hide. Tomorrow is #4 – and cold or not, I think I’ll still get it. Will know more tomorrow.

I’m certain that depression is a normal part of this whole process. I was doing really well avoiding it and fighting the good fight but a few things seem to have brought it on. 1) Now that the decision is made I have a tendency to wake up in the mornings thinking about the decision and what it means. 2) I tend to think about that decision not just as physically what will be changing but more about…in so many weeks I’m cutting things off. Rather rough to digest. 3) hormones. They are not normal right now. The doc had said that the treatments would likely push my body into menopause and I think that is where it is right now. 4) it’s a long marathon of a battle and looking in the mirror every day at my peach fuzz head is getting tiring. I look at my husband’s bald head and he has a nice line of hair that is healthy a few days after he’s shaved it. Mine – nadda. Some day my hair will come back, just not today. 4) sunscreen. I don’t want to have to keep putting it on all of the time. Keep getting it into my eyes somehow and it ends up stinging for hours. So, I opt to stay inside where the sun isn’t or also praise the fantastic cloudy weather we’ve been having. Seems easier. Had a great time the past Sunday and Monday hanging out with my daughter just doing inside activities together. Wish I could just stay home and hide. Problem is – things at rest tend to stay at rest and I know that it is NOT good for me to stay at rest.

My new mantra: Lots of good sleep. Drink lots of water. Get some exercise (lacking on this one right now).