Today I prepared for the surgery. This entailed many, many things to do in order to make myself feel “ready”. My young daughter has left the house with my husband’s parents and gone on a nice vacation for a week a few hours east of us. I’ve then cleaned up her room (toys into the closet, books where they belong), stripped the bed, washed all of the bedding and remade the bed, brought in a nice small table where I can sit and type on the computer, and also set up a spot where I can recharge my cell phones. All of these preparations are necessary (along with purchasing some wonderful prune juice and other foods to feed me for the next few days) so that I can heal properly at home.
Main idea is to quarantine myself away from my four-footed feline friends and keep myself entertained and hopefully, comfortable enough to sleep. The second idea is too use the prune juice to keep my body from becoming uncomfortably constipated due to the wonders of the usual pain drugs that they have prescribed. Thirdly, it is to use the 2 beautiful “mastectomy pillows” (AKA heart shaped pillows), and a mastectomy apron (to help hold onto the 4 bulbs on the 4 drains that will be coming out of my body after the surgery) to handle the drains more easily and comfortably (if there is such a thing) until they are finally removed from my body and I am onto phase II of my healing (sans drains) – likely 2-3 weeks from now.
Physically – the room is now ready and my body is ready as well. Mentally – I think I am as ready as I can be as well.
Preparation of my body began the weekend preceding the surgery – I had a pedicure to clean up my toenails which had gotten a bit long and had some polish still remaining from my last pedicure and some completely worn off. Somehow in my mind messy toe nails weren’t ok to have for the surgery. If I made my toes cute, I’d be stronger, more prepared. The day before the surgery I had a 90 minute massage (no oils, lotions allowed and I informed the wonderful masseuse about what was going on) and she was extra careful washing her hands and keeping things clean for me. I felt phenomenal, simply amazing after that and it made my final trip before the surgery to see the plastic surgeon a little easier.
My appointment with my plastic surgeon was surreal (yet again). This time he got out his Sharpie and drew the lines of where to cut on my chest. He then took pictures on my cell phone for me – in case during my last shower with antibacterial soap and the fancy antibacterial-surgery sponge- I scrubbed all of the marks off. If need be, I could use the photos to redraw the lines in the same place. He also took and sent pictures using his cell phone to my surgeon who’d follow the marks and begin the surgery (removing all of my breast tissue). The next time I’d see the plastic surgeon I’d be asleep in the operating room. No worries about the photos themselves – they were from just below my head to my waist. And they hideously showed off the full 7 lbs that I have put on since this whole charade began in March. The photos will live in my mind and help drive me back to the gym as soon as it is 100% safe to go. I’ll take it easy because I have to in order to heal properly, but I will go back and I will fight to get my body back to where it was. I strongly dislike the extra 7 lb tire I now have around my waist. It will go away after this, no matter how much time it takes.
Mentally – I went over the decision so many ways when I was trying to make it that I have never questioned my decision or wanted any other option than they one I have chosen for myself. Following the massage yesterday, I felt so relaxed, so “Gumby-esque” as I like to call it – so zoned on just breathing, taking the next steps necessary, continuing to move time forward. I’m now in the Acceptance Phase. I’m as ready as I can be.
My strategy for dealing with it is to keep my mind distracted. I have started the book “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed (recently it came out as a movie) and in order to pass the time I’m reading it. I will likely take it with me to the hospital so that I can read it quietly while I wait. I’ve informed my mother to be prepared for me to be reading and plugged into my cell phone listening to music. I want to distract myself in my ways and do not want to talk and talk and talk. Sometimes being a peace with things and what has to happen is all about keeping relaxed on the journey as the time passes and the inevitable finally comes. Then, once on the other side of the surgery, I anticipate continuing to read the book (if I comfortably can) to help keep my mind off the pain and keep it entirely somewhere else to get a break. If a book becomes to much I’ll leverage Netflix to help my brain pass the time. And if is really bad (which it very well may be the first few days) I’ll just keep listening to my App to focus on breathing so that I can rest.
I am ready. I am prepared. I have plans, options.