Today was the first day since the surgery when I actually took care in how I looked. I had an event I wanted to attend at my daughter’s school so I broke out the make up, put my jewelry back on (I’d removed it all for the surgery and never put any of it back on), put a bra on (with assistance) and covered my hairy legs in nice pants. In the end, it was quite empowering – feeling like my old self (amazing what make up can do!).

But – this accomplishment was not reached without another kick in the gut from cancer. As I was putting on my eye liner I realized that all of my eye lashes had gone. Yup. Last time I’d put make up on (the day before the surgery) I know they were there and today – well, today they were not. Luckily I’m not into mascara – I’m all about the charcoal gray eye liner with my favorite Mary Kay eye shadow and with those in play, I still felt good.  Also – my eye brows are still around. I’m hoping they don’t go missing…. I honestly think that would be worse and much more noticeable….  I’m prepared if they do (already picked up a nice, brown eye brow pencil if (heaven forbid) I have to draw them back on). For now, I feel confident that they are staying around. Just in case, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

The second thing that was different in getting ready was figuring out how to be comfortable in public concerning my breasts. Currently, my chest doesn’t sag – they are two mounds with happy little nipples pointing about. I put on a t-shirt and, well, the nipples were noticeable easily to me. Since I didn’t feel that was acceptable to me – and due to the summer temperatures outside – adding a second shirt or coat wasn’t going to do, I figured I’d give a bra a try. With my husbands assistance to close it, I then checked to see how I looked in the t-shirt. A slight improvement but with a new problem – the bra size was all off. The straps were adjusted accordingly to accommodate my much smaller cup size and that helped but still – I could see the rough up and down bumps from a too-big bra. Thinking for a second I realized the answer was obvious – what does any female do when they cannot fill out a bra? They stuff it. Feeling like I was more in high school trying to catch up with my girl friends because I was a late bloomer, I grabbed a bunch of tissues and stuffed the cups and voila! A nice smooth surface finally was realized with the t-shirt. Success!  It’s all about overcoming obstacles. This one was more of a silly one but I was not to be outdone and felt good that I succeeded – though it did feel like smoke and mirrors! Cancer be damned!

Although my eye lashes and “filled bra cups” are currently gone, they are not forgotten and I know that they will be back. Have I mentioned that this is a long, slow battle that requires unending patience and optimism and perseverance to win??? Screw you, Cancer. One thing you’ve taught me is patience and I know these will all come back.